Dear Mack, Month One

Dear Mack,

Congratulations on one full month of life in the world baby boy.  You have accomplished quite alot in the past 30 days or so.  You also managed to survive some of my less than stellar mommy moments headlined by our 3rd night home from the hospital when I managed to forget to put the nipple on your bottle and promptly dumped the entire liquid contents out all over you and me as I tried to stealthily provide you your 2am feeding without waking you.  It goes without saying I failed that goal bigtime.  Granted, it was 2am and I had just had a baby....however, screaming (yours) promptly ensued and it took quite a while to change us both and calm us both back down enough for sleep.  But we survived...although a bit damp and milky smelling from the experience.  

So when we were all waiting for you to be born a little over a month ago, one of the things I was most curious to find out was what you would look like and what your unique little quirks would be.  I wondered what your little voice would sound like and would you be a good baby or a colicky one?  Were you going to look like Jimmy Durante as evidenced by your ultrasound photos that you never really cooperated for anyway?  Who were you to be?  

On the other side of your arrival into my world it is so very fun to be learning these things.  From the start you have been the answer to my deepest prayer.  One thing I can say for certain is that you like to eat, although lazily and leisurely, and you love to wave your hands about with enthusiasm.  From the minute you were placed in my arms, you have been waving your hands around in front of your face in elaborate formations that look like you are either trying to do an obscure form of Tai Chi or trying to cast a voodoo spell to make me do your bidding.  I routinely have to pin your hands down by your side to get you to eat or you would

 sit there flailing your hands about until you starved as nothing can penetrate this wall 

of hands to make it to your mouth. Sometimes as I do this you do look at me as if you are not sure why I was allowed to take you home from the hospital in the first place...but once food finds your mouth you make the cutest little grunts and noises of happiness.  

In addition, you also HATE having your diaper changed.  Your performance nearly every time I must do so is worthy of awards it is so dramatic and convincing that I have significantly wronged you in the process.  It is epic the way you scream...evoking such tragedy and heartbreak.  Really it is stunning. Bravo. 

You have made progress on the bath front which has gone from screaming to now mellow enjoyment as we make that a part of our nighttime ritual to get ready for sleep.  You are a

 good sleeper at night...not so much during the day.  It is our epic battle and why I know own a multitude of baby entertainment apparati in the holy grail search for the one that will make you content during the day.  Because for now,  content for you, is being held....alot.

Some of my thoughts and factual details are as follows:

- I think you have the most beautiful and perfect tiny feet and big baby man hands.  I always want to remember how tiny they are as you are now growing so fast.  I have probably taken dozens of photos of them to mark this memory

- You still merely tolerate the pacifier...you prefer me as your human pacifier and this has been confirmed by medical professionals, but I can't bear to deny you at this point.

- The doctor today on your one month birthday deemed you perfectly healthy....8 lbs....21 3/4" long...you are growing well!

- Mysterio has predicted your future - Monkey Wrangler - which is only appropriate as "monkey" was one of your in utero nicknames (as was Pluto, but talk to Bella about that) and I do still think you have nice long monkey toes.  

I, however, have become that woman I was always a bit skeptical of.   You know the one who gushes over her baby's every expression and sound and claims to be endlessly fascinated by a little six pound person that basically eats, sleeps, cries and poops.  I must admit I find myself dying to tell people all about how you smiled the other day or how cute that little pouty face was last night or when you are asleep and have your hands tucked up around your chin or your cheeks.  I am certain it was all probably gas that elicited these expressions, but

 it was still so cute!  I am certain you knew what you were doing and they were intentional.  Reflex?  Nahhhhh....I used to think that these women needed to get a life or at the very least should invest in a foil hat to protect them from the baby mind control rays that were clearly taking over their brains.  And yet, now I am one of them....

I am sure that people want to run for the nearest exit or break into open snoring when they talk to me, but I cannot stop myself.  Anyone would want to tell people about the best thing that has ever happened to them and therein lies the reason I have become an even bigger sap than before:  You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I want to remember the moment of your birth forever....Gearing up for the pushing marathon I thought was to come.  I was determined to get you out before midnight and we had just under 1 hour to go....there was the doctor, my doula, Aunt Jen and the nurse...five people in the room....And then....

11:04:  with one big push with all my might and all 5 people in the room urging me to go on even though I felt nothing below the waist....I felt a little tiniest wiggle...and then...

11:07pm:   There are six people in the room.  You, my little Maverick, are born.  They suction out your mouth and nose.  I hear your little cry. I am crying. They tell me you are here!  It was over just as it began...Our expressions are the same as you enter the world and I have fallen into the ultimate ugly cry as evidenced by the photos here.  I see you come toward me.  You are beautiful.  I cannot believe you are here.  It happened so fast.  And the rest is a blur....I know Jen called some people.  I know you got cleaned up.  I look at you so healthy and strong after our microscope worthy pregnancy.  I hold you and look down into your perfect little face.  And you got quiet, blinking your eyes, and looking back at me, my perfect answered prayer....I am a parent.

So congrats on your debut month on the planet earth.  I do look forward to the next one.  I do fear the future as I do think it is safe to say that you have successfully wrapped me around your little drool covered pinky finger.  I fear the day you can actually ask for things.  There will be no stopping you.  So as we get closer to that time, please have mercy on me as your host on this planet as I cannot seem to find my foil hat.

Love,

Mommy