Saturday, November 6, 2010

I just want you to stay

From a couple of nights ago when I went into his room for my last round of the evening...he had found a sticker sheet in one of his books and done this before he passed out for the night...

So as I lay there in bed with you reading, talking and filling the last of our day with as many snuggles, kisses and cuddles as you can stand I have that voice in the back of my mind reminding me of all the things I need to do. The never-ending list that leaves me wondering if I will ever get it complete. I start to make the excuses to get me out to try to attempt a few things on the list and end our bedtime ritual and in his sweet voice he says in perfect 2 year old simplicity,

"Mama, I just want you to stay."

No tears. No whining. No drama. Just a simple request and a look in his eye that was true.

And at that moment anything I thought I needed to do evaporated. I was doing the only thing I really needed to do - the one thing more important than any others on any list. I pretended it was 20 years from now and I would give anything to have this moment again. To hold my baby. I was hyper-present in the moment. My baby in my arms as I feel him relax and his breath regulate as he started to fade into his sweet toddler dreamland. Really, it was only another 10-15 min until he was out.

As I made my was out, I realized that nothing on my list was more important than the last 15 minutes. "I just want you to stay."

"Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life." - unknown


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