Thursday, February 12, 2009

FLASHBACK::::Babywatch 2008 - Self indulgent mommy alert - warning!

OK...only a few more of these to go...but it is so fun to go back and read. How far away this seems now...

Hi there....

So it has been a week since Little Baby Mack blessed my world and I wanted to say thank you to all for all your kind loving thoughts and comments throughout his drawn out entry into our world. Thank you for being excited for me and as joyful as I am about welcoming my sweet baby boy into life. As I looked through all the many wonderful emails from you all, I told Little Maverick I was collecting his fan mail. His many doctors and nurses have also repeatedly commented on what a wonderful disposition he has and how easygoing he is throughout his many needle sticks and medical interventions. He may end up with a massive ego if we keep this up, but I think we are all safe for now. All the adulations do not appear to be going to his head as of yet.

So as it has been a week since giving birth, I am starting to feel a little bit more like I can put a coherent thought together...almost. Although we have only been home together for 4 days, they have been some of the most amazing days of my life as I stare in amazement at what I have been so blessed with. Talk about feeling unworthy....there are no words for what I feel as I look at his content tiny face sleeping so soundly with his little fist tucked up under his chin - (see photo). The thought that occupies most of my brain when I am not trying to figure out how to operate Mack's newest toy/gadget is the fact I am now a mommy. A parent. It is not as if I did not know this was coming, but the reality of it is completely overwhelming and daunting. I remember thinking as I signed us out of the hospital with all the paperwork, that the parent/mother signature was me....not my mom. It was overwhelming to think that once I left...I was responsible for him...responsible for another human. I am his mother. I know someday it may seem that fact will not be so remarkable, but today it is pretty darn amazing.

I still feel short of being a complete functioning member of society, but have been wonderfully cared for by my dad and my sister for the last week while they dealt with a hormonal crying mama as she adjusts to life after gestation/multiple inductions/NICU and more. Gram arrives today and I am sure the pampering will continue as I recover in great luxury...I must admit, it is so nice to have some help.

I have alot of thoughts to share...for those that are interested. I am seriously thinking about moving this to a blog as to not clog up email for all of you and then you can follow the Magnificent Adventures of Michelle & Mack at your leisure...but this is a thought for a future time.

There are plenty of things about the last week I know will remember for the rest of my life. Even when I am old and can barely remember my own name. But as I sat with him alone in NICU with him gazing up at me drifting in and out of focus in his little eyes looking into that beautiful face with his hand/arm tucked up under his chin....the thought is that "This is the happiest moment of my whole entire life" - and promptly burst into tears...It is true that my brain is being controlled by an inordinate and possibly lethal amount of post-baby hormones and my vision may be a bit intense and skewed at any given moment whether happy or sad or sentimental or overwhelmed. But this is the thing....I have had this same thought every day that has come after that one. Mack has changed my life unalterably. Though I am not as scared as I thought I might be when I took on this endeavor. Instead it feels as if I have traded one life full of adventure, fun, family and love and blessings for another that inexplicable has more meaning, substance and
beauty than the one before. And I would not change it for anything...

I have one more story I want to share....the actual story of his birth. Then we will see where we go from there. I am working on it.... a few more photos for those who have asked - I title this series "I am a First Time Mom and I have NO restraint"...It might look alot like the same photo to you and could be titled "Baby Sleeping in different clothes, but that is just because the various facial expressiong of my baby aren't the most fascinating thing in your world. They are in mine..if you are over it..then just delete and move on....I will also get back to you all who have been so supportive....Every email has meant so much....I know I have been remiss on my responses, but the love for you all is there and I will resurface shortly - I hope.
Thanks again family and friends...we will be back with you soon.....
Michelle & Mack

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